Beware, I am Random
by DiamondBlink
Summary: A new captain is chosen for the 5th Division. But with her personality, how much time will it pass until everything turns into a complete mess?


**Before you say anything, this character will not be paired with anyone famous enough. If she will finally be paired with anyone, this will be with Nova (the mod soul), who also sometimes called Noba. But do not expect anything in the first chapters.**

**I took this character's name from Douglas Adam's book, "Mostly harmless" (a part of the SF-comedy "The hitch-hiker's guide to the Galaxy" saga). However, my character and that character have nothing in common except for being both teenager girls.  
**

The captains had been waiting for some time.

For a whole hour, to be precise. An hour of staying and waiting for somebody who didn't bother to come, for somebody unknown even to the majority of the captains, for an unknown reason. They were beginning to get bored, even though the increasing curiosity regarding this mystery managed to keep them awake. And only three people in the room knew about what was going to happen, and looked quite worried: the Captain Commander, captain Unohana and captain Soifon. The others were just told to wait patiently, and not to ask questions.

To be exact, the vice-captains from the divisions 3,5 and 9 had been also invited, so everybody assumed it was something important. But why wouldn't Old Man Yamamoto tell a word? Almost nobody knew, and those who knew didn't understand why.

One hour after the meeting had begun, the door opened on half. The face of a teenager Shinigami girl appeared in the opening, and everybody felt relieved. Finally. The messenger for whatever important information had finally arrived.

And now I'm going to spoil things.

See, I'm going to describe her. The random Shinigami girl, which isn't so random now that I explain how she looks. She looks about 1,75 meters tall, with black-blue hair divided into two ponytails that fall down to the level of her waist. Her Zanpakuto is carried in the same way as Toshiro's (this means it is on her back), and her Shinigami uniform is quite unusual- in fact, only the black color is kept from the original. Far away from the shihakushō(Soul Reaper uniform), her top is a black blouse that reveals both her elbows and shoulders, and instead of hakama she has a pair of black ¾ baggy pants. The only things that remained the same are the white tabi socks and the zori sandals. And do you wonder, why did I say "to spoil things"? Well, it's not like you'll believe she's a random person now that I told you about her.

Just kidding. She's totally Random.

"Wow, I…see everybody's early" the girl said blinking from her big black eyes, apparently unaware that she had been waited. As she tried to enter through the half-opened door, her Zanpakuto got stuck. So she fell to the ground with a loud noise, and everyone widened their eyes in surprise, except for Unohana.

She didn't wear the uniform. She didn't act respectful, as she should when talking to captains. She had been late and either didn't know this, or was trying to make a fool of everyone else. So she was, by definition, one of the most unusual persons in the Galaxy. And for some reason, Kenpachi appeared to know her.

"Okaaaay…" the weird teenager said as she quickly got up and closed the door behind her, not even giving the others enough time to say anything. "Sorry, I think I forgot to present myself. Kakū Random. It's pronounced with a double u" She said smiling, like that explained everything in the Universe.

"And why…should we know that?" said Byakuya Kuchicki, the noble leader of the 6th Division, in the end. The girl seemed surprised, and answered rising her shoulders.

"Well…I thought it would be useful for you to know how to pronounce my name. If you don't care that's it, but I will still correct you if you misspell it"

Before anyone could interfere, the sound of the Captain Commander's oak staff hitting the floor made all 13 pairs of eyes turn towards the Shinigami elder, just like a judge's wood hammer (you know, when the judge says "Silence in the courtroom"). As he got everybody's attention, the leader of the Gotei 13 pronounced, looking at the girl who seemed to study the floor now:

"Kakū Random, your lateness and behavior is unacceptable and it should immediately disqualify you from the post you were called here to receive"

"…okay, then I'll just leave. Too bad" a defiant whisper left her lips.

"Silence!" the old man continued. "However, your realizations in both your former division and the Hollow Fighting Brigades were more than impressive and that's why I, as well as captains of the 4th and 2nd Division who assisted to your test, agreed to gave you the responsibilities of…"

"Wait!" the girl with weird name interrupted him. "Sorry, but I've always wanted to say this" she added smiling, and looking at everyone but especially at Kenpachi, she continued on a tone quite louder than normal: "OH YES PEOPLE, I'm now a captain!!! HELL YEAH! I win the Internet& everything! Just wait for me, amazing division number…" she added while looking down at her left palm, which was white. Her face turned white too, and, in silence, she turned around her hand two times for an unknown reason, looking a bit crazy at least. Slapping her right hand on her forehead, she nervously began to chuckle:

"Isn't this funny? I mean, I was pretty damn sure I wrote the number of my new division on my hand so I won't forget it. Oh well, things happen, don't they?" Random asked, letting her right hand fall down. On her forehead a new sign had appeared, looking like something between a "2" and a "3". It was actually a reverse "5", transported there according to ball point pen writing physics laws. Division 5. A death silence was installed for a few seconds, before Zaraki Kenpachi's homeric laugh and Momo Hinamori's protests( "Are you going to replace captain Aizen…with somebody like _her?_") broke it into pieces.

"Damn, you didn't change at all, Random" the 11th Squad's captain said, still laughing. "You still know how to make an impression"

"My choices are not to be commented by you, lieutenant" Captain Commander said in the meantime. Random looked embarrassed at her sandals and asked:

"So you're not angry at me anymore, Kenpachi-san?"

"Who is she?" vice-captain Kira asked captain Unohana, since she seemed to know a lot more about the matter than everyone else in the room.

"Angry? Of course I am! Running away like that is one of the most stupid things you've done in your entire life. But still, since you got back it means you're stronger, right?"

"I'm not going to accept her!" Hinamori shouted.

"Let's just say that…her story is a complicated one" the Medical Division's leader replied, feeling proud that a former member of her division managed to become as well a captain.

"Be sure of it! Even though I'm still a nerdy kido user, now I'm really really powerful, Ken-chan!"

"Good, so now we could try out a spar, kid!"

"Was it like this when you came too?" Jushiro asked Hitsugaia, the captain of the 10th Division, referring to the fact that he was as young as Random, or even younger, when he joined the Gotei 13. Toshiro just replied: "I seriously doubt it"

"Who are you calling you kid?! I'm taller now!!!" Random added in a funny tone, since even though the girl was tall for a normal person, she was still 1 head shorter than Zaraki. "But you didn't change at all, you still like fighting that much…Nice new hairstyle though" she said laughing. "How's Yachiru?"

"Silence!" old-man-Yamamoto said, forced to repeat himself to be listened. He already began to wonder if choosing Random as a captain despite her…colorful personality had been a mistake. Everyone seemed to be contaminated with her …well, randomness. "This choice will stay as it is; Kakū Random will become the next captain of the 5th Division. Now- meeting dismissed!"

As the captains and vice-captains walked towards the exit, they obeyed the formalities and made the presentations. First one to leave was Soifon, since she had programmed a training session in her division. Since she and Random already knew each other, they only saluted. One of the last ones was Unohana, who , without irony, asked the girl what gave her the idea that she had been on time, or even more, early. Random looked weird at the older woman and sighted:

"That means I was late again? But that can't be! I left Greenland on time, that's for sure. 11:30, exactly so I could be here at 12."

"Now it's passed 1 o' clock" pointed the other captain out, correctly.

"Oh…oh not. I got fooled by local time again" laughed the girl embarrassed, suddenly realizing her mistake. "I forgot my area was the GMT -1"

"You sure didn't change, Kakū-san" smiled Unohana, leaving.

The last to leave the room was Momo Hinamori, the 5th Divisions' lieutenant. The two girls glared at each other. Black eyes versus brown eyes. Eventually, Random was the first one to give up, speaking:

"You sure hate me, don't you?"


End file.
